Man's Search for Meaning

I'm currently about half-way through Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. I think I first heard about the book in high school and it's been kicking around in the back of my brain since. I was at my parent's house last Thursday and needed a book to read while I waited for tests to be done at the hospital. A couple of bookcases have migrated into my old room sometime in the past few months with my Dad's books in tow. It was here I noticed the book and started to read.

I think the vague impression I had of the book before I started to read was that it was a book all about how to be happy in any condition. This is part of the book, but for me not the primary message. Of course, if five people read a book, that is intensely honest and personal, you'll probably end up with five different messages. Anyway, for me the message was summed up pretty well when he said

"We need to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life--daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answers to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual."

Connected to this idea is what he says of suffering. He explains, and what mortal would know better, that sometimes our task is to suffer, but here he notes that "his unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden." So it's not a question of why do we suffer, but rather how.

A Pound of Flesh for Your Thoughts

I've had the same conversation a number of times in the past week or so. I'll ask what someone is doing in the summer, to which they will answer: school, work, both, etc. In polite response the question will be asked of me. Somewhat hesitantly, because it's not really the stuff of normal conversation I'll answer that I'm donating a kidney to my sister-in-law and I'll be off school and work to recover for three to eight weeks. I found out that I was a match a week or two back. Since then Angie (my sister-in-law) has had another stroke caused by high blood pressure from dialysis and stress. Of necessity this has accelerated the process of donation. On Thursday I'll go in for another round of tests, after which I'll be given tests followed by more tests. The operation itself is, to my knowledge, happening some time in the next week or so provided things go well.

The thought of several weeks of rather limited mobility, I must admit, is less than pleasant. Angie has had problems with her kidneys for a long time; this will be her second transplant. Right now she's still in the hospital from the second stroke. No permanent damage was done, but she's still working on normal consciousness; it comes and goes for the moment. I was over at my parent’s house for Father's Day and my nephew Logan said the prayer for dinner. He said "Please bless Mommy so she can come home and we can be a family again." My dad is still shaking off leukemia from a year ago, though he's started working part days. Thinking about this makes it pretty hard to take self-pitying thoughts seriously. Sure my job is crappy and I can't seem to fix a few things in my life, but what do I have to complain about? Albert Einstein said "Only a life lived for others is worth living." I hope that this experience will help me learn, at least in part, how to live that way. Being uncomfortable for a few weeks may not be much, but I hope it will be something like the widow's mite for me and my selfishness.

Why Shakespeare is Great and how the Devil is Crafty

I've worked at the BYU library for seven or eight months now and things get pretty boring. Just recently instead of listening to music at work I've started to listen to books on cd. I decided to start listening to the classics; since, by now I've realized I probably won't read them. So I listened to the Merchant of Venice by Shakespeare, which I enjoyed, but was rather surprised given it has a happy ending. I didn't think he did happy endings, but what do I know? My knowledge of the bard is probably equivalent to the information off of cereal boxes. Anyways, I love his use of language. As I was walking home from work I thought about what the world would be like if people actually spoke like characters in a Shakespearian play. Conversations in general would be much wittier. For example, if someone offended their significant other with a careless remark they might say "Though my tongue be given to offend, I pray thee let my lips amend." Don't get any ideas though I'm getting a copyright.

A few weeks back I posted a quote from a man named Leo Buscaglia. I was so impressed by the quote myself that I went on eBay and bid three dollars on one of his books. The shipping was free so I figured I was getting a good deal. I promptly forgot about it until I received the book in the mail. The book is entitled Loving Each Other: The Challenge of Human Relationships. One of the questions he asks, "Why are people so afraid to love?" struck me as interesting. I guess the short answer is fear of rejection. In an ideal world this wouldn't make any sense, how could giving love be anything other than positive? I blame the devil. Showing love is equated with weakness far more often than with strength. This has at least two immediate effects. First, it means that people are far more reserved with who they show affection for. Second, the recipient of such affection is predisposed, at least to some degree, to view the giver as weak. I think it has something to do with a horrible twist to the spirit of independence that the media so heavily promotes.

Introspective Insomnia

I've had a couple of little ideas for things that I could post about, but nothing really big. Since I don't feel like sleeping now I'll see what I can make out of them on the fly. Think of it as one of those "Our powers combined..." sort of moments, except that I have always hated Captain Planet. Seriously, what were they thinking when they gave a guy the power of heart? I'm pretty sure the whole idea stems from some writer's insecurities. Maybe he didn't get enough love as a kid. Anyway, Captain Planet bashing aside here's what I've been thinking about:

1.College is expensive
2.Dating is hopeless
3.I need a new job

I had been planning on taking summer classes, but I really don't think I can afford to. I already have too much debt and too little to show for it. No I'll be working full time during the summer, and who knows, maybe even fall semester. This brings me to my third point. I haven't forgotten the second one, but one and three are connected so play along. I've determined that my job at the library is not at all providing what I need. It's in no way, shape, or form challenging on any level. It benefits society slightly less than warning labels on toothpicks and yields marginal financial returns. Plus my schedule is too flexible, now for many people this would be a plus, but for me it's a big negative. This stems from the fact that I'm lazy so I put off work because I know I don't absolutely have to go into work.

Okay, points one and three out of the way, on to two. I was reading in Proverbs the other day when I came across 13:12 "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life." I'm not entirely sure I understand what the verse is saying. It could mean that when we defer or put off having hope that we feel heartsick, but when what we hope for happens we'll be happy. If this is the case I don't get the big message here. I mean obviously we'll be happy when what we've been waiting for happens; no surprise there. But what does it mean to put off hoping? Does that mean we hope for something, but we need to be patient for it to happen? Does it mean we have to hope because if we don't we'll feel even worse?

My guess is that it means the latter. I suppose it makes sense with the adage "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Sounds like one of those "wintry doctrines" Elder Maxwell talked about if you ask me.

If someone figures out a shortcut to enlightenment and inner peace let me know.