A Tragic Sort of Happiness

Life has been really busy the last while. By really busy of course I mean that I'm actually doing some of the things I'm supposed to for a change. I'm working thirty hours a week and taking classes in the afternoon. I've even broken down and done some homework. My creative writing class for this semester has been great so far. I like his secrets to writing. His main two are:

1. Have a take
2. Don't Suck

As it turns out my teacher isn't a BYU professor by trade, but actually works in the Welfare department of the church office building, at times with my dad. I'm pretty sure that nepotism in this case will actually create more work rather than less. He has a high opinion of my dad so I'm guessing he'll be expecting good work. All in all my classes are good, my job is good, and well I'm still a terrible person. I'm pretty happy with things how they are, the caveat to that being I need to get more sleep. My brother called me today and let me know the treatment Angela (my sister-in-law) has been receiving isn't really helping anymore. The last time that happened they had to accelerate the transplant process (this was an earlier transplant, my kidney will be her third transplant). My brother Joe said he was going to rattle cages until he got them to okay the transplant. He said he was going to try for something in the next couple weeks. We'll see how that pans out since the last time I heard that was months ago, but she has gotten stronger since then. I can only hope that it works out this time. I can only imagine how hard this has been for Joe and Angela both.

Admittedly, I think I've kind of kept myself from feeling an honest sort of happiness since this whole deal started. I think there's just some native guilt in me that feels terrible to be happy when other people, especially those near me are hurting. I guess I'd rather be sad and connected than amused but cold to the emotions of others. I'm pretty sure that's a destructive sort of thought process, but just because I know that doesn't mean I can or want to change it.